Q: Are your products FDA-approved?
A: The FDA doesn't approve things that don't exist, so technically we're in the clear. We're also not FDA-disapproved, which is basically the same as approved if you squint.

Q: Where do you source your ingredients?
A: From the finest imaginary farms in nonexistent countries. Our suppliers are committed to sustainable practices like "not existing" and "requiring zero resources."

Q: Are your supplements vegan/gluten-free/non-GMO?
A: Yes to all of the above. They're also calorie-free, allergen-free, and existence-free. Perfect for every dietary restriction including "not wanting to ingest things."

Q: What's your return policy?
A: We have a 100% money-back guarantee because you can't give us money in the first place. Best return policy in the industry.

Q: Do you offer samples?
A: Absolutely. Every product is a sample because none of them are full products. You're welcome.

Q: How long until I see results?
A: Immediately, if you have a good imagination. Otherwise, never. Manage your expectations accordingly.

Q: What if I'm allergic to nothing?
A: You should probably see a doctor about that. Sounds serious.

Q: Can I actually buy something here?
A: No. Payments are disabled. This is a portfolio project, not a store. But we appreciate your enthusiasm for fictional wellness.

Q: Why can't I check out?
A: Because this is the one shopping experience designed to prevent impulse purchases. You're welcome for saving you money.

Q: What are your shipping rates?
A: Free, because we ship nothing. Delivery time is also excellent—your order arrives the moment you stop thinking about it.

Q: Do you ship internationally?
A: We ship nowhere, which technically includes everywhere. So yes. And no. Mostly no.

Q: My order never arrived. Where is it?
A: Everywhere and nowhere simultaneously. Your package exists in a quantum state of permanent non-delivery.

Q: Can I track my order?
A: Sure. Current status: "Metaphysical." Estimated delivery: Heat death of the universe.

Q: How do subscriptions work?
A: You can't subscribe because payments don't work, but if you could, we'd send you nothing on a recurring basis. The ultimate low-maintenance subscription.

Q: Can I cancel my subscription?
A: You can't cancel what you can't start. This is the first subscription service with a 0% retention problem.

Q: What if I forget to cancel?
A: Don't worry—you'll never be charged for something that doesn't exist. Unlike that gym membership you're still paying for.

Q: Do you offer subscription discounts?
A: Yes. Save 100% by not being able to purchase anything.

Q: What does "clinically unproven" mean?
A: It means we've conducted zero clinical trials on our zero products and achieved zero results. Perfect track record.

Q: Are there any side effects?
A: Possible side effects include: mild amusement, eye-rolling, the realization you're reading FAQs on a fake website, and an inexplicable urge to check out the person's LinkedIn who made this.

Q: How do I know your supplements work?
A: You don't. Because they don't. Because they're not real. We've really committed to transparency here.

Q: What's the recommended dosage?
A: Zero capsules, zero times per day. Overdose is impossible. Underdose is guaranteed.

Q: Can I take these with other medications?
A: Absolutely. Our products have zero drug interactions because they have zero drugs. Consult your doctor anyway because we're not qualified to give medical advice about real things, let alone fake ones.

Q: Do you have third-party testing?
A: We have third-party admiration for anyone who made it this far down the FAQ page.

Q: Is this a real company?
A: Define "real." We have a website. We have products (in concept). We have brand values (irony-based). We just don't have... commerce.

Q: Why did you make this?
A: To learn Shopify and Klaviyo while having more fun than creating a generic "handmade soap store" portfolio project. Also, the wellness industry takes itself too seriously.

Q: Are you hiring?
A: We're not hiring because we're not a company. But if you're hiring and appreciate this level of commitment to a bit, the person who made this site is very much open to opportunities.

Q: Can I invest in Placebo & Co.?
A: Our current valuation is $0. If you'd like to invest $0 for 0% equity, we're open to discussions.

Q: What's your business model?
A: Demonstrating CRM competency through elaborate jokes. Not super scalable, but the margins are incredible.

Q: Do you have a physical store?
A: Yes, it's located at 123 Imaginary Lane, Nonexistent City, Fictional State, 00000. Stop by never.

Q: What do you do with my data?
A: Bold of you to assume we're collecting data. You can't even create an account here.

Q: Do you sell my information to third parties?
A: We can't sell what we don't have. Also, we can't sell anything. That's kind of our whole thing.

Q: Are cookies used on this site?
A: Only the Shopify default ones, and metaphorically, because this whole project is pretty cookie if you ask us. (Sorry.)

Q: Is my payment information secure?
A: Extremely secure because we never collect it. Unhackable by design.

Q: The "Buy Now" button isn't working.
A: Correct. Working as intended.

Q: I can't add items to my cart.
A: Yes you can! You just can't check out. Think of it as window shopping, but the window is also fake.

Q: Your website seems broken.
A: It's not broken, it's artistically limited. There's a difference.

Q: Why am I getting emails from you?
A: You're not. Unless you signed up for the email list knowingly. In which case, congrats—you're part of a Klaviyo flow demo. Feel special.

Q: Will your supplements help me lose weight?
A: No, but overthinking this website might burn a few calories.

Q: Can I take these if I'm pregnant or nursing?
A: You can take imaginary supplements while doing anything. They're very versatile that way.

Q: Are these supplements safe for children?
A: They're safe for everyone because they pose zero choking hazard, allergen risk, or any risk at all.

Q: Do you have a money-back guarantee?
A: We have a nothing-back guarantee. Send us nothing, we'll send you nothing back. Fair trade.

Q: What if I'm not satisfied?
A: We encourage you to leave a 1-star review describing how disappointed you are that you can't buy things here. We'll frame it.

Q: How do I contact customer service?
A: You can email the void at support@placeboandco.fake (not a real email). Expected response time: never to always.

Q: Do you have a phone number?
A: Yes: 1-800-NOT-REAL. Press 1 for nothing. Press 2 for more nothing. Press 0 to speak with silence.

Q: Can I speak to a manager?
A: The manager is a Klaviyo automation. It doesn't take calls.

Q: I have a complaint.
A: We have a complaint department. It's very effective. It ignores 100% of complaints because it receives 0% of complaints.

Q: I have a compliment!
A: Oh stop, you're making our nonexistent team blush. But actually, if you're impressed by this project, the person who built it would love to connect on LinkedIn.

Q: Why am I still reading this?
A: Good question. Maybe you're procrastinating. Maybe you appreciate commitment to a joke. Maybe you're the hiring manager trying to figure out if this person is clever or unhinged. (It's both.)

Q: Is this the longest FAQ page you've ever seen on a fake supplement store?
A: Probably. We don't have competition in this very niche category.

Q: Who hurt you?
A: The job market. Hence the portfolio project.

Q: No seriously, why did you put this much effort into something fake?
A: Because "I learned Shopify and Klaviyo" sounds boring in an interview. "I built an ironic supplement brand with fully functional email flows and conversion funnels" is memorable.

Q: Can I share this with my friends?
A: Please do. Our marketing budget is $0 and word-of-mouth is all we have.

Q: Are you okay?
A: Thriving, thanks. Currently open to work and deepdiving into CRM & retention frameworks. See what we did there?

Q: What's actually going on here?
A: This is a portfolio piece demonstrating:

• Shopify store setup and theming
• Product catalog architecture
• Klaviyo integration and segmentation
• Email flow strategy (welcome, abandonment, retention, win-back)
• Copywriting and brand voice development
• Customer journey mapping
• Zero-party data collection (via quiz)
• Subscription model understanding

All wrapped in humor so you'd actually remember it.

Q: Where can I see the actual Klaviyo flows you built?
A: Great question. If you're interviewing the person who made this, just ask. They'd love to walk you through the segmentation strategy, flow logic, and A/B testing plans.

Q: Is the person who made this actually competent?
A: You've read this far. You tell us.